The Art of Teaching by Severus Snape
by IrishKitty
Summary: Snape writes a book to aid future Hogwarts teachers. R/R please :)
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Art of Teaching by Severus Snape  
  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic belong to J. K. Rowling & Co. I only own Olivia & Patrick Lupin and Sinead Kelly-Finnigan.  
  
Summary: Snape writes a guide to teaching  
  
A/N: If I get five or more reviews I'll continue.  
  
Dedicated to the girls at the S.S. Bludger & Quaffle. Because it was aboard their ship that this idea was born :)  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Note  
  
In this chapter you will find detailed descriptions of certain Wizarding families that I have come across in my years of teaching at Hogwarts. I wrote this chapter so that in the years to come Hogwarts teachers will be able to keep an eye on the future offspring of these families. Heaven help you though, if two of them ever mix.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Professor Severus Snape  
  
  
  
The Blacks  
  
The Blacks in my experience are usually tall with dark hair, brown eyes and a cocky attitude. However, these days you won't find many of the Black family living in Britain. In fact you won't find many people owning up that they're Blacks in any part of the wizarding world due to a Mr. Sirius Black who has damaged their reputation beyond repair.  
  
Famous Blacks & Why to Hate Them  
  
Rhianna Black: Author of "Hogwarts Teachers: A Tale through Time" where she wrote a particular nasty comment involving a teacher and hair products.  
  
Sirius Black: The only man ever to escape from both Azkaban and Hogwarts. Poor James Potter, Black was his best friend and where did it get him? On the receiving end of You-Know-Who's wand that's where. As I have said again and again, once a murderer always a murderer. After all, it was Sirius that planned that certain prank on a fellow student involving the snapping jaws of a certain werewolf.  
  
  
  
The Grangers  
  
Only a few select Grangers have inherited the wizarding gene. However, Muggle or wizard/witch you can spot a Granger a mile away due to their abnormally white teeth, bushy brown hair and smart remarks.  
  
Famous Grangers & Why To Hate Them  
  
Hermione Granger: Not only does this girl suck up more than a Dyson hoover but she hangs around with none other than Misters Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. Prone to thinking she is always right this girl needs taken down a peg or two. Used to have long front teeth similar to a rabbit's.  
  
  
  
The Kellys/Finnigans  
  
The Finnigans have not had a wizard in their line for over three centuries due to the fact that they are Muggles through and through. However, Hogwarts did receive a Finnigan wizard not too long ago due to the fact that the child's mother was originally a Kelly. The Kellys are a band of Irish wizards well-known for their crisp Northern Ireland accents, forth- right attitudes and Quidditch obsession. Usually they have fair blonde hair and blue eyes; the best way to recognize them is the disgusting merry twinkle in their eyes.  
  
Famous Kellys/Finnigans & Why To Hate Them  
  
Sinead Kelly-Finnigan: Was a rather enthusiastic beater for the Gryffindor House Team when she attended Hogwarts. She succeeded in smashing the Slytherin seeker Paul Parkinson's knee-cap with a Bludger in her 3rd year.  
  
Seamus Finnigan: This boy thinks that he's Ireland's answer to Billy Connolly and will perform his childish antics for his class every chance he gets. He is also a well-known associate of Potter's.  
  
  
  
The Longbottoms  
  
Usually slightly roundish in shape with an animated face, brownish tuft of hair and a few freckles. Usually you can identify a Longbottom by the general condition of their clothes. For example, snapped shoelaces, strange stains on their robes and torn trouser legs.  
  
Famous Longbottoms & Why To Hate Them  
  
Natasha and Norman Longbottom: The famous auror husband and wife team. Sadly they are both now residing at St.Mungle's Hospital due to a magical illness that ended their careers.  
  
Neville Longbottom: This young man has caused more potion experiments to go wrong than his whole year put together. Referred to by the staff as "A Walking Disaster" it's a wonder he isn't a squib.  
  
  
  
The Lupins  
  
The Lupins were once a very strong and prestigious wizarding line until a certain misfortune be-fell Patrick and Olivia Lupin's son Remus. Being that there is now only one living Lupin, we can easily detect Remus by his slender frame, brown hair flecked with white and tired looking expression. If you're still in doubts look at the front cover of the Daily Prophet Issue No.9991. That should clear everything right up.  
  
Famous Lupins & Why To Hate Them  
  
Remus Lupin: The only werewolf ever to be accepted to school teaching witchcraft and wizardry. This particular werewolf nearly killed a Hogwarts student in his 5th year but was allowed to teach at the same school. Of course, he handed in his resignation when someone let the cat –or should I say wolf- out of the bag at the end of the year.  
  
  
  
The Potters  
  
Easily distinguishable by their black, messy hair and holier-than-thou attitude. No tolerance for them what so ever.  
  
Famous Potters & Why To Hate Them  
  
James Potter: Quidditch and Books Extraordinaire. He has been known for playing a hand in a rather dangerous prank involving a werewolf and fellow student. Rest assured that James did get his just desserts in the end.  
  
Harry Potter: Offspring of the late James Potter and Lily Evans Potter. Banished Voldemort at the age of two, eleven and fourteen. Became seeker for Gryffindor in his 1st year and seems to be following in Charles Weasley's footsteps on the Quidditch pitch. Has a flippant attitude towards the school rules. I believe fame has gone to his head.  
  
  
  
The Weasleys  
  
Every Weasley shares three main similarities that can help you to identify them. Bright red hair, freckles and poverty.  
  
Famous Weasleys & Why To Hate Them:  
  
William Weasley: Head boy in 1991 despite inappropriate clothing and cheeky manner.  
  
Charles Weasley: Seeker of the Gryffindor House Team in 1987 to 1992. Helped Gryffindor to win the Quidditch Cup multiple times.  
  
Frederick & George Weasley: Identical twins in both looks and personality. Their O.W.L results reflect the popular belief that they share the same brain. Both have the odd knack for turning up in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely of times. Have been known hit to a spare Bludger at a certain Slytherin Quidditch referee.  
  
Ronald Weasley: Potter's friend. Enough said. 


	2. The Many Types of Teachers

Title: The Art of Teaching by Severus Snape  
  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic belong to J. K. Rowling & Co.  
  
Summary: Snape writes a guide to teaching.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this next chapter up. Blame schoolwork and sever writer's block. Believe me, it helps ( I was incredibly surprised at the amount of reviews I got so *huggles* to all you people who gave them. I'm glad you enjoyed the 1st chapter so much. You know how it goes, if I get five or more reviews I'll continue.  
  
This fic is dedicated to the girls at the S.S. Bludger & Quaffle. Because it was aboard their ship that this idea was born (  
  
  
  
Authors Note  
  
In my years of teaching at Hogwarts I have come across many different types of teachers. This chapter of my novel will allow you to get a glimpse of how to handle them by their category.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Professor Severus Snape  
  
  
  
The Know It Alls  
  
This type of magical Professor believes he/she knows all there is to know about every possible subject there is in the ever-widening area of magic. The best way to deal with them is simply by ignoring or shooting them evil glares every once in a while. In some severe cases it may help if you let them try their hand at the subject you teach, I can assure you more often than not the results will be incredibly humorous.  
  
Famous Know It Alls  
  
Gildery Lockhart: I had the misfortune of meeting the "famous" and insufferable Mr. Lockhart at Hogwarts three years ago. In an uncanny way he seemed to resemble what Mr. Harry Potter would be like in a few good years, provided Harry bleached his hair that is. I can only hope for the future generation that Mr. Potter never becomes a Professor. Then again, I can't imagine the boy ever settling into a classroom. Unless, of course, the subject he was teaching was Defence Against Dark Arts.  
  
Millicent Malfoy: It is no surprise to me that Ms. Malfoy only managed to teach for two years, the woman had a reputation of looking down her nose at absolutely everyone and everything. However, I have it on good authority that Millicent's "know-it-all-ness" has been firmly squashed out of her. I suppose a few years under guard in Azkaban will do that to you.  
  
  
  
The "New" Generation  
  
I can simply not put into words how much this certain category of Professors manages to annoy me. They think that just because they have graduated from Wizarding College with a degree in some kind of up-to-date rot that they can rule any school they come across. A pity then, that a diploma can only get you so far when it comes to teaching bundles of hormonal energy that we affectionately refer to as "students". I find it helps to keep a score if you get more than one "New Generation" Professor. For example, one point every time one of them breaks down in tears. I can assure you that by the end of the term- when you tally up the overall disastrous results- that it will put a satisfied smile on your face.  
  
Famous New Generation Professors  
  
Thomas Spinnet: The less than charming elder brother of the Gryffindor Quidditch star Alicia whom I now have the pleasure of "teaching" potions to. Thomas came to Hogwarts as a temporary Astronomy Professor; it made sense really considering the boy had always had his head in the clouds when I had taught him.  
  
Ray Weasley: Yes, one of *those* Weasleys. Red-haired, freckled and cheeky Ray and her companion/cousin Bill were the very bane of my existence when they attended school. Both had the tendency to dress "punk" and run amok during their years here at Hogwarts although Bill did settle down a little when given the title of Head Boy. When Ray turned up at Hogwarts to assist Professor Trelawney I wasn't surprised to find her dressed in the new "Bohemian" style as she referred to it. I recall her even trying to convince me to wear a tie-dye shirt one morning.  
  
  
  
The SDADA Professors  
  
The Supposed Defence Against Dark Arts Professors are extremely difficult to figure out if you don't know what to look for. Teachers in this category are usually cunning, sly and smart. I'm afraid I can't offer you much advice on how to deal with these because as I said before, they are very hard to spot. This is the case because they have managed to convince the Headmaster to allow them a job at the school in the first place. The best I can give you is to try and expose him/her if you think you have found one.  
  
Famous SDADA Professors:  
  
Professor Quirrel: A man who came to Hogwarts a bright, well-respected teacher and left via the backdoor in a wooden box. Quirrel met his match when trying to use Potter to gain the Philosopher's Stone in Potter's 1st year.  
  
Remus Lupin: The over-whelming concern from parents after Mr. Lupin was exposed as a werewolf inevitably ended his teaching career. It was not only concern about Lupin losing control during a full moon but the fact that back in his schooldays he was best friends with none other than Sirius Black. Besides, no one ever really trusts a werewolf anyway.  
  
  
  
A/N: Next chapter will be Snape's all time most hated Quidditch stars ( 


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